Man[goes] to Sad Town

 

“If you tell a lie frequently enough, it will be believed.” This quote might have been uttered from a despicable man, but the fact is, that is how most of us get confidence, including me in the past. But why this method? Why do we have to be disappointed in our abilities so much that we have to lie to ourselves to strive towards our dreams? 

We crusade for success by suffering, thinking that the victory will be sweet and long lasting.  But, no! It is the path that lasts long, not the victory or the defeat. And to find success, suffering through the path is not the answer, not mentioning society defines success materialistically. Otherwise, life will just be a chain of suffering. It is more intelligent to know more about our weaknesses and work on them than to hide them, taking a stride towards “success.” Success, I define as accepting yourself and being satisfied with your path, while enjoying the challenges. Success is not how much fame you have, or how much you make in a year. It is not how good one’s academic ranking is. It is not about where you fall on society’s scale.

This I found out from an assortment of experiences: be it the experience of changing between 3 school systems (India to England to India to here); be it the experiences of having to build new social circles; be it the bullying that goes along with the weakness of innocence; be it the loneliness that I experienced due to my bad social choices; be it my betrayal of my math teacher’s expectations that then introduced me to math contests; be it the experience of going to Mathcounts States; be it the heartbreak of high-school not being a new start; be it my good results in a myriad of math contests; be it my bad results in the same contests; be it the slow hatred that built up for these contests due to their “formula memorizing nature”. 

Sometimes during my periods of adaptation, I used to just stare off into the distance when I wondered about my path at 3:00am wide awake. All I would see was a hazy road. Now, it has become clearer. I used to watch videos of these “philosophers,” and was just confused. Now, I listen to Sadhguru, a famous Indian Yogi, and think: “Wow! That’s so wise and simple, but so hard to achieve.”

But sadly, I have not done everything right. What I know is miniscule in comparison to the world’s knowledge. That is why I am a seeker, seeking advice and knowledge.

And recently, my therapist showed me a video that portrayed life as a whirlpool. There are two ways to deal with it. One is to just become numb to it and ride the whirlpool. While, the other is to go through the whirlpool, understanding the inner workings and appearing in a more peaceful place. And this video revealed to me that I had just tried to become numb. It is now my goal to journey through the whirlpool fighting through the difficulties of disappointment to become appointed in a position of self-satisfaction. Hmfff!! That is what I will do.