Man[goes] to Sad Town

 

“If you tell a lie frequently enough, it will be believed.” This quote might have been uttered from a despicable man, but the fact is, that is how most of us get confidence, including me in the past. But why this method? Why do we have to be disappointed in our abilities so much that we have to lie to ourselves to strive towards our dreams? 

We crusade for success by suffering, thinking that the victory will be sweet and long lasting.  But, no! It is the path that lasts long, not the victory or the defeat. And to find success, suffering through the path is not the answer, not mentioning society defines success materialistically. Otherwise, life will just be a chain of suffering. It is more intelligent to know more about our weaknesses and work on them than to hide them, taking a stride towards “success.” Success, I define as accepting yourself and being satisfied with your path, while enjoying the challenges. Success is not how much fame you have, or how much you make in a year. It is not how good one’s academic ranking is. It is not about where you fall on society’s scale.

This I found out from an assortment of experiences: be it the experience of changing between 3 school systems (India to England to India to here); be it the experiences of having to build new social circles; be it the bullying that goes along with the weakness of innocence; be it the loneliness that I experienced due to my bad social choices; be it my betrayal of my math teacher’s expectations that then introduced me to math contests; be it the experience of going to Mathcounts States; be it the heartbreak of high-school not being a new start; be it my good results in a myriad of math contests; be it my bad results in the same contests; be it the slow hatred that built up for these contests due to their “formula memorizing nature”. 

Sometimes during my periods of adaptation, I used to just stare off into the distance when I wondered about my path at 3:00am wide awake. All I would see was a hazy road. Now, it has become clearer. I used to watch videos of these “philosophers,” and was just confused. Now, I listen to Sadhguru, a famous Indian Yogi, and think: “Wow! That’s so wise and simple, but so hard to achieve.”

But sadly, I have not done everything right. What I know is miniscule in comparison to the world’s knowledge. That is why I am a seeker, seeking advice and knowledge.

And recently, my therapist showed me a video that portrayed life as a whirlpool. There are two ways to deal with it. One is to just become numb to it and ride the whirlpool. While, the other is to go through the whirlpool, understanding the inner workings and appearing in a more peaceful place. And this video revealed to me that I had just tried to become numb. It is now my goal to journey through the whirlpool fighting through the difficulties of disappointment to become appointed in a position of self-satisfaction. Hmfff!! That is what I will do.

Man[goes] to Listen to Music

 Soundtrack 2 My Life - Kid Cudi

 "No sitcom could teach Scott about the dram" -  He talks about how life is not like how it is depicted in media and TV shows and such. This shows that life should not be filled with dreams that have no chance of getting met and such. 

We also see that he was raised only by his mom. He always wondered how she got enough money to buy him his Christmas presents and appreciates her dear effort for him.

However, there are always hidden things that people can not perceive. And for Cudi, it is the hidden seed of sadness within him.

The chorus conveys that he is finally exposing this sadness within him. As such, he moves up from the typical theme of drugs and such, and instead focusing on mental health. Instead he mentions how he took "an eighth of shrooms" just to find the true meaning of the world and see the true intent of the universe.

The sadness within him apparently started when his dad died. And he talks about his sadness openly because he doesn't want people to be left alone in their sadness. He goes on to say how he feels alone and seems like he is trapped in a dark cocoon. There is no happiness as shown with no sunlight. As such, this also provides a precursor to the song Pursuit of Happiness. 

Then he goes on to talk about how he is close to trying new drugs and already consumes alcohol and some drugs. He also mentions questionable coping mechanisms like sex and weed. This shows how people falling to bad habits is not always not their fault. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqOMVuTFuDk

https://genius.com/Kid-cudi-soundtrack-2-my-life-lyrics

 

Man[goes] to Read People (Hopefully as Easily as a Book)

So, yeah.... I put pieces of a puzzle together. The whole picture of a house in the middle trees was born. So yeah ... Oh, and nothing was leftover since all the pieces were needed to be used.

Anyway in seriousness, reading people has become an important skill of me so I can both avoid "bad" people and mingle with "good" people. Well, of course there are in between. And these "bad" people might not seem bad to others and these "good" people might not seem good to others since everyone has different perspectives and opinions.

Anyway, a very important part of reading people is putting various events together, be it displayed attitudes, reactions to certain problems, their comments, their hobbies, periods of dishonesty, periods of trust and honesty, etc. This can also differ based on the type of interaction. Like, reading people through voice chats in Discord is different than interactions in real life. In Discord, leading on with the example, a lot needs to understand through comments, silences, tone of voice, etc. In person, however, one can read the body language and facial expressions and such.

But, this is not perfect and this is also not the same as judging people. It is way to more easily understand people and to create realistic expectations.

Again, however, this needs to be taken with many grains of salt, because many of the pieces to help guide in creating an understanding of a person can be misunderstanding. For instance, I laugh at precarious situations, like when there are friends explaining their difficulties. I don't do that because I don't care, but because I just find it funny about how the world smites everybody. LMAO, you also have this problem. Damn, sad. Well, Life . . .

Man[goes] to the Rendezvous

The word rendezvous seems just so professional. I rarely use the word because of the professionalism of the word. It is used in so many movies associated with the military and similar occupations. It feels like the abbreviation ETA needs to be always used with this word. The special way of saying "vous" also makes it sound foreign and makes it seem classy like "sch." This is different from how I would have thought to say these collection of words since I think I am a logical guy, and also many others who try to learn a second language, like my dad. Like, each single sound of each letter would be put together to enunciate the word. But, the word "rendezvous" like many are part of this mystical world that make no sense logically but follow these rules that are created in the world of a language.

But then there words whose enunciation make literally no fricking sense like onomatopoeia. Well it makes a bit of sense but it sounds like "onomanopia." That is how I learned for it be pronounced. Now I watch a youtube video and when going slowly the guy enunciates the "t." Like what, the most complex word and most confusing word I learned for a while was learned in a wrong way. Great. I can't tell if the people write down a word first or they pronounce it first. If they pronounce it right, then why don't they just write the word according to how you pronounce it.

YOU KNOW LOGIC. NO, NO, NOT THE RAPPER LOGIC, BUT THE OTHER ONE. WELL WE ARE GONNA THROW THAT OUT OF THE WINDOW.

Man[goes] to Reflect

 To be honest, I have no idea what happened in the past semester. I am in a state of "lostness," partly why I haven't applied to any colleges yet. So, reading huh? Solo reading is pretty fun if you actually read, but many people don't read. I will be honest and say I did not read most of the time. But when I did read what I wanted it was fun. I had plans to read Sherlock Holmes, but didn't (I wish I did). So, I wish we would have more time for choice reading, yes. There is not too much work in 12 AP English according to me, but you need to stay on top of it. If you get lazy then there is just way too much work and then you have to try out shortcuts and so on. The research essay was definitely the most interesting because I had to put a lot effort to maintain my concentration. It actually made me force myself to use my brain for once. I really think it is making me put a foot in the right direction to do my work. The Harkness weren't really my thing because I was always scared of being judged for my observation. I am not really a language guy, so yeah..... 

As you can see, I put whatever comes to brain into my blog and like to my own analysis for some stuff. So, I really doing blogs. I forces me to put my thoughts into words and helps me develop my own voice and style of writing.

I honestly think English classes are wrongly formatted sometimes because you can't express your own voice and write in your own style. 

Man[goes] to Storytelling Session

 

There is style in Indian parenting. “Once upon a time”... these four words have the magical power to suddenly attract and shift the any age kids’ mind to another world, virtual reality including me. These stories have the super power of impacting young minds. What stories  and how is it narrated to kids is utmost importance.

For grand parents and parents story telling is an opportunity to take them to unknown. Those are exciting journeys to teach moral and life lesson to children. Stories provide undisturbed attention of children in the family.  It gives chance to connect between children and adults in the family. It helps to develop imagination, creativity, life values and personalities in kids. I used to get thrilled and wait for hours when grand parents promised me to tell stories. 

There are thousands of mythological stories told in India. Mahabharata is a one of the two Sanskrit epics, another is Ramayana.  Mahabharata is a story of struggle between two cousin groups, Pandavas and Kauravas for the kingdom. Arjun is one of the main character in the epic and one of the Pandavas.  He is a great warrior and favorite of lord Krishna. He is the hero of the war between Pandavas and Kauravas.  He won the war against injustice with the help of Krishna. Everlasting friendship of lord Krishna and Arjun all of us look up to. The unconditionally support and motivation provided by lord Krishna, and capabilities of Arjun helped Pandavas to win the war. Arjuna stand for the right and fought for it as a great warrior duty. Contrarily, from Kauravas we can learn that a revenge attitude can only lead to his downfall.

There are many short stories collection like Panchatantra.  These mythological stories teach spirit and the value system of the life. These stories also give many life lessons I might discuss about in a later post

Man[goes] to Discord

Discord is one the most popular group chatting apps and possibly the most popular communication app among "gamers." But it isn't just for gaming, a lot of people use it for just casual conversation and chilling. And when I talk to people, I like learn about their how they have lived and such. Because it lets me put on their shoes and understand what they have been through and their past in the sense. It also helps in what I am allowed to talk about and what I am not allowed to talk about. But, it is really hard to ask these question to people just by talk, but in mind needs to be asked to allow for a real connection.

People don't realize how often offensive jokes/dark humor is used and many times this dark humor mocks certain groups or targets them. For example a lot people make Holocaust jokes. But imagine if they were said when a Jewish person was in the call. I have seen this happen quite a few times actually, especially one of the people that I have played with online for quite a while is Jewish. Another example might be the fact that I talked to a person who was in foster care and then somebody said something that was supposed to "funny" about parents. My immediate reaction was to ask the person indirectly if it was okay and the response was "Yeah, it's alright, I don't care."

But the thing is I don't want to hurt some people due to some unintentional talk/banter. So I have been trying to discern their culture through their accent and deepness/raspiness of voice, for example a past smoker would probably have a more deeper, raspier voice. But I haven't always been correct, so when I ask a straight forward question, I often am asked "Why?" It makes sense, because many times it may seem like I am racist, sexist, etc.